Hellooo again
Itās me, Abhijeet. From the other side of the screen. Sounds creepy, huh?
All you need is a screen to stay connected with the world. Not even a zillion of wires attached to it. Just the screen.
When my romance with the Internet started, it was through this ugly box of a screen, usable through a connected mesh of wires.
It was around the same time as now, in 2006.
I was hooked on it for hours, you know. I didnāt have school/college to attendā¦ not regularly, at least. 2006 was the year when I broke a bone for the first time. So, I completed the rest of my school through distance learning. Later, my degree and other certifications, too.
I donāt remember how it felt. Not fun always, for sure. I donāt even remember how I used to connect with friends. I guess I wasnāt.
Itās Dec 3, 2023. Sunday evening. And now I donāt remember a thing. Living because I have to, for donāt know what.
The old memories were recently triggered when talking with a long-time friend (letās call her Z). We talked about something I hadnāt talked about for a long time. And probably never in the open. Love.
The emotions havenāt been strong enough lately, to be explored.
Itās been 13 years since this idiotic experience of one-sided love. Not with Z, but sheās the only common friend now.
Strange that until 11-12 years ago, I had this whole group of online friends just passing their timeā¦ on Orkut. It was then that I had this online long-distance affair.
So, when Z asked whatās my status with my ālove,ā I said what is it. Almost dead.
Although we are still on good terms, we donāt talk a lot now. Maybe 2-3 times a year. Short chats. Like you have with your tech guy. She describes her issue; I suggest a solution. Thatās it.
Do I feel the butterflies? Yes. Do I feel used/disappointed? No.
I should say itās like a transaction. No small talks, no warmup time. Transaction initiated and completed. Nothing more expected.
Of course, it wasnāt exactly like that since the beginning, I had my cravings. I had my sleepless nights. Took me two years probably.
Now, that reminds me of Love Actually. The cards scene, after which Mark says to himself, āEnough!ā Wait, Iāll search it for you.
Here, check this:
It was such an āEnoughā moment for me one day. Deleted all the past messages and posts I had. Made it easier to get back my sanity.
Thereās no memory to cling to. Time takes care of the rest of the healing.
Once a year, though, we still send birthday messages. Thatās been one constant.Ā
Time.
It has wiped several of my memories. Bad and good.
Back in 2020, when I dislocated my knee, I was transferred to the hospital in an ambulance. The siren haunted me for the next few months. The sound made me feel uneasy.
The shrill sound of sirens still brings back the visuals, by the way. But now, the visual contains only the greyish-white ceiling of the ambulance that I kept looking at.Ā
Give things timeā¦ to growā¦ or die.
You might not forget an experience any time soon. But the extreme emotions dampen over time. Itās wiped clean like a schoolās blackboard (or whiteboard).
Even if youāre at your lowest now, ten years down the line, you wonāt remember much. Traces will be there, but nothing life-threatening.
However, if you plan to write an autobiography, make sure you document everything. I want to write one someday, but I havenāt my life documented. Maybe Iāll get a good storyteller to fill in the gaps.
OK, thatās all for today. I wrote it all quite fast by my standards.
Was stuck with client work until late evening. So, started writing this newsletter at 8.29 PM. And itās only been an hour since then.
Maybe it was a good thing. When I sit to write the newsletter in the morning, I consume 3 hours and 30 distractions before I finish it.
Writing it now, I only stopped for dinner once and to check WhatsApp messages once.
Will try this time next Sunday, too.
Letās see if I can collect my thoughts better during these hoursā¦ and have a speedy writeup.
Buh-bye
Bidding adieu.
Live long and prosper.
See you next week, with another story.