Itās 12.16 PM. Yeah, past noon. On a Sunday
And Iām yet to be in the zone. Havenāt been feeling particularly energetic since morning.
A call made me get up, eyes wideā¦
Wasnāt expecting this today. Itās a festive Sunday here. Everyoneās busy with Chhath, a festival related to Sun God.
Yet, I received the call. A book mail had arrived. *happy dance*
Next, I did what bookstagrammers do. Made an unpacking Reel.
Itās not so much about the Reel but holding the books. So, I had to get it done right away
Now, I feel awake. So, Iām writing. Not sure what even.
So far, I have spent my day watching YouTube, judging my life choices, and making random what-if scenarios.
Reminds me of the book I finished reading recently.
Wait, let me copy something from my review.
We live our life wishing what if I took the other path. Dark Matter is what happens when you get to choose. [...] The truth is life is meant to live the way it flows. Cheating the system is harming everyone you love.
Although it was a sci-fi thriller, it was also about life. It was about choices.
Every moment, every breath, contains a choice. Sometimes, we make a choice not so consciously. But itās still ours. And we live with them, good or bad.
I think about my what-ifs even.
Though, when I go deep, I realise I donāt want my life to change if given a chance. It has been good, whatever it has been.
The first time I realised so was last year, I guess. It was during a podcast recording (will share the link, donāt worry) when I said Iām happy with however things are.
I also recall mentioning something about being selfish. Kundan, the podcast host, rephrased it as self-love, though. But I doubt itās self-love.
I don't feel I love myself enough. I am not my favourite, to be honest.
Yes, I love my life, I love what I do. But loving thy self. Not so sure. So, being selfish makes better sense.
I love being in my space. Lately, I am growing recluse. Iāve stopped caring about a lot of things.
Not everything. But many. The temperature-o-meter isnāt at the same warmth as a year ago.
Maybe, thereās an upper limit after which you just donāt careā¦ after which youāre all you.
And that should be fine, right?
You need to have your down moments. You can say no to requests. Why should you always be kind? You donāt have to, at least not at your cost.
You can't see your mental health always. Be selfish to your needs.
The inspiration for this quote goes to my friend Esha.Ā
She shared a motivational post: āYou can't see people's mental health. Be kind always.ā And I was like: No, donāt be. In the spur of the moment, that quote was born.
It was a pretty demotivating thought, no?
I can be a professional demotivator if the need be. I had this idea a few years ago, to pursue that. Didnāt feel enough motivation. *pun intended*
Let it be.
Now, hereās some reality check:
Not everyone thinks of their mental health. People arenāt selfish enough to love themselves first.
In this world full of motivational influencers (or whatever theyāre called), we are too busy being kind to peopleā¦ and showing that off.
Did I hit a nerve there?
Well, you can help everyone if you want. I donāt mind. No one minds if youāre being helpful.
Butā¦ do it only when youāre done helping yourselves. Be kind to yourself, to be kind to them.
Maybe consider yourself a portable power bank, you know. Recharge yourself to charge others. And that too, you canāt do forever.
So, help people. Have fun. As much as you want. But take care of yourself first. Be selfish (or have self-love, whatever).
And let me go back to sleep.
Bidding adieu.
Live long and prosper.
See you next week, with another story.
PSā¦ This is the podcast recording (from last year) I mentioned above.